One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies

This book is about me.

It tells the deeply hideous story

of what happens when my mother dies

and I'm dragged three thousand miles away

from my gorgeous boyfriend, Ray,

to live in L.A. with my father,

who I've never even met

because he's such a scumbag that he

divorced my mom before I was born.

The only way I've ever even seen him

is in the movies,

since he's this megafamous actor

who's been way too busy

trying to win Oscars

to even visit me once in fifteen years.

Everyone loves my father.

Everyone but me.