You Can't Come to My Birthday Party: Conflict Resolution With Young Children

Noting that many teachers and parents are baffled by the repetitiveness of young children's conflict and by their own reaction to it, this book describes how adults can help children find alternatives to hurtful words and fighting by settling differences through a six-step mediation process based on several basic adult-child interaction strategies: listening actively, acknowledging feelings and ideas, and encouraging decision making. This process is explained through stories of actual conflict experiences in which adults and children resolve disputes successfully. Chapters 1 through 4 provide an overview of and a rationale for the problem-solving approach. The six steps to the approach are: (1) approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions; (2) acknowledge children's feelings; (3) gather information; (4) restate the problem; (5) ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together; and (6) be prepared to give follow-up support. Chapter 5 describes the growth of two young problem solvers during their preschool years. Chapter 6 discusses a small-group discussion process that adults can use at non-conflict times to encourage children to talk over chronic problems. Chapter 7 discusses prevention strategies for reducing the frequency of classroom conflicts. Chapter 8 details the strategies of peer mediation in elementary schools and describes a school-wide mediation structure and group-discussion curriculum. Appended are sample letters and handouts for parents to ease the transition between school and home. (Contains 57 references.) (KB)